There’s always one thing I’ll never let go of, the happy times I had with someone. I don’t care if it ends or not, I’m just glad something good happened that brought some light into my life. It gave me a sense of pleasure, that emotional feeling that I received when I smiled one of the biggest smiles talking to you or even merely just looking at you and having your presence around me. That joyful moment I had with you is all I care for, what I look back to when I miss things and need a smile to get through some rough times. All I needed was that one moment that excited me, got my heart feeling things, mind filled with incoming thoughts of what future events we’d have to make us happy just like it did, and my stomach all tightened up like it was filled; something like butterflies in there. I wouldn’t ever dare to let go of that moment; those seconds, minutes, hours, and days stay worthwhile and will remain so until the very end.
Memories (Smiling Tears) - T aka Tasha aka Yoon Mi Rae
So there you have it my whole life with all it memories,
I’m tryna figure out how to set all of my pain free.
Sometimes I wish that I could turn the hands of time back,
so I could rewrite the wrong and put my life back on the rite track.
Wake up to reality try to accept the way it is,
they say that lifes not what you take it’s your willingness to give.
That’s why I wrote this song in hopes to heal the pain within
cause after that I know that’s when my life truly begins.
I felt nothing but happiness. All I had to do was hug you as you faced forward sitting on my lap and you would put you hands over mine like that was all you wanted. I miss you as well as the days when having you around was far more important than being with my friends. Without you, I wouldn’t have been so committed to passing my first semester of college. Now that you’re gone and our feelings have drifted apart, I’m just slacking and daydreaming all day making up scenarios of “what ifs” of us being together once again like it was nearly a year ago.
Every moment of the day, I realize it’s better off with me being on my own, doing my thing but it starts getting harder and harder. I do my best to not get close to you anymore so I’ve been trying to “dodge” you for the past week. 9 days to be exact since April 3. It’s not that I don’t love you or that I hate you for what I caused to come out of you, hatred. I knew my boundary on when I should’ve went forward to comfort you and when I shouldn’t but I ignored it for once just so I can see for once why you were behaving the way you were.
Yeah I spoiled you and you weren’t even mine in any way. Not a girlfriend, not a family member, not a close friend but just a typical crush. A crush in which I ignored all the remarks made against you because I loved you the most out of everyone else I liked in the past. You were that genuine type of crush that I had nothing but wished the best for. I gave you things you said you didn’t want, paid for the things you said you’d pay for, trusted you with my private info I had in my wallet and phone. I never gave any other girl I was with or liked that chance before. I still don’t regret doing it either because you’re trustworthy no matter how much of a pain it was to be nearly heartbroken by you.
I still want to know who that “him” person was on your tumblr about half a year ago before you closed your disabled your tumblr. I still want to know why you keep something of your past relationship around even though most to all girls I know leave that behind them. I still want to understand why you picked me out of everyone else to go to Ceasar’s Bay to watch the sunrise at least 3 times when you didn’t ask anyone else to go all 3 times. I still want to know how you felt when I picked you up from your house after my prom at 5am with no sleep and stood in the cold for almost 2 hours waiting for you to come out to have breakfast at the diner with 2 other friends. Last thing I want to know is what did you really feel for me before our friendship started going down the drain.
Maybe I still am in love with you, maybe not. I still want the best for you because you deserve it. You’ve been through ups and downs, more than any girl should deal with at your young age of 17. Not once have I ever said I regretted knowing you because you changed me to someone I liked being. I smile at everything now because of you, joke about a lot of things, speak up about everything that should be spoken about, became more of a hopeless romantic. Before I met you, I didn’t do any of that and I hated it. It made me look shallow and useless. I still wish I could thank you personally but I just don’t know how I can do it anymore since we “argued” about half the things we did in the 11 months we knew each other.
I still have one last gift for you and I still want to take you out for dinner just once as I give you that gift to end the night while I walked you home. The only plan I have is to do it on the anniversary of the first day we met, which you probably don’t remember like most of the little details you don’t remember. I don’t mind it because it gives it more of a surprise and a meaning when if I ever get to do what I plan on doing for you that night.
We may argue, we may fight, and we may hate each other but at the end of the night, I’m not letting go of the one I’m willing to give all of me to.
I really don’t know where to begin but I guess I’ll start off by saying I miss having you around. When you come back in a few days, I’ll be counting down the days until we get to see each other again. We still got a lot to catch up on even though it was only about 2 months ago that we last talked about what was going on in person. Without you, I don’t know how I would be able to get through things from time to time. I hate venting out to you about what’s going on but I just can’t get over it so easily. Remember that talk we had when you were about to nap and I was still in school? Yeah, I just want talks like that with you again but in person. You mean more than just a friend to me but you already have a best friend and I’m not willing to break your friendship just so we can be each others best friend. I don’t want to be clingy but I guess that’s how I am with people I wish to keep in my life. I remember you telling me you went on my tumblr but who knows, maybe you still do. I hope you read this though because I miss seeing you pretty much everyday or every other day whether or not there’s school. Remember our promise to go get cupcakes in the city from your favorite store as we catch up? I’m still up for that and I hope you are too. I know you’re busy this coming week so I don’t want to take up your time. If you remember our promise, I’ll promise to visit you and remember to get you a present/gift card just so you can be happy as you dorm out there without any of us. That day we oovooed with 3 of our friends, I had fun. I barely go on oovoo but you bringing us all together like that makes me wanna go on oovoo again. But then again, no one is ever on and I don’t like webcamming unless I’m with people to can keep a good, fun conversation going on no matter what subject it goes onto; just like how we started talking about planning next week with you to rating people we know on a scale of 1 to 10 based on looks and personality. I cannot wait until summer comes and you’re back here with us all. I miss you and I’m glad you’re coming back soon.